Daily Life with Monster Girl Brother
by ghostface4
Summary: Kimihito and his brother Kaneda are forced to host monster girls in their home who see them both as husband material. Can they survive? Kimihito x harem, OC x harem
1. Chapter 1

My name is Kaneda Kurusu. My brother Kimihito and I have been living by ourselves since our parents left to work abroad. Things were stagnant until that Smith chick dropped that lamia chick, Miia, at our place. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: apparently monsters are real and the government has decided to integrate them into society. Mind-blowing, I know.  
Anyway, Kimihito, bleeding heart that he is, couldn't bring himself to kick the snake out and let her stay with us and now she's bonkers for him. Go figure; my brother, the excellent cook, excellent sewer, caring, patient, never-gets-mad (believe me, I've tried. Nothing short of setting his room on fire would piss him off.) saint of a brother has a hot snake chick that wants his snake. Jesus, what next, is he gonna discover the cure for cancer? As if he wasn't oh-so-perfect already.  
Me, I'm none of those things. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an awful person, but I am the kind of guy who'd prefer to avoid any and all kinds of stress. All the things Kimihito does? It's turned him into a nervous wreck and a doormat who'd rather shoot himself than disappoint anyone. Me? I just take it easy and let the chips fall where they may.  
But getting back to Miia, I'm not too jealous of Kimihito. Yeah, she's hot, but she's a too chipper and touchy-feely for my tastes. I prefer a more serious and stoic type of girl-of course, having a great rack wouldn't hurt either.

Anyway, recently, Kimihito took Miia out while I stayed home. Hey, no need to get between my brother and his snake chick, right? This was after Smith reminded him that having sex with Miia can get him arrested (gotta remember that little factoid. I'd love to do a monster, but I'm sure it's not worth jail time) and Miia injured Kimihito, as per usual. They went to a lingerie shop (now that must've been all kinds of awkward), got harassed by a jerkhole couple, hid in a love motel, nearly got busted, and then came home where Miia tried to hit on Kimihito again. Meanwhile, I was here, trolling through Internet videos. Just another day in paradise.

Today, Kimihito and Miia are doing laundry and Miia's gushing about how Kimi punched out that jerkhole couple. I was pretty surprised when I heard that he did something violent (but then he was defending a woman's honor, Galahad that he is). Suddenly Miia screams out 'Darling!' Yes, she calls him darling. Yeah, I know, gag me. I'm watching TV and don't pay it any mind when Miia slithers in and wraps around me, all in a panic.

"Miia, what the hell!" I yell.

"Kaneda! Darling's been taken!" Miia cries, her coils tightening.

"Taken by what?" I squawk as I begin to feel the squeeze.

"A harpy, that's what! We've got to find him!"

With that, we're out the door, Miia slithering as fast as she can down the street with me still wrapped up in her tale. As we go on, the picture starts to fade and I'm feeling lightheaded due to how tight Miia's got me. When we stop I can barely register that we're at the park. I can hear Miia yelling about a 'bird-brat' and something about eloping but it sounds like she's at the far end of a tunnel. There's some more yelling before she finally drops me. Glorious air comes back into my lungs.

"Jesus Christ, you stupid reptile, do you want me to…?"

My vision returns and Miia's facing off against a blue haired harpy girl who's…Oh God, she's naked! I wouldn't have a problem with that, except this harpy looks severely underage! Geez, I feel like I should get arrested just for being in her presence!

"Kimihito, what the hell is going on?" I snap at my brother, trying to avert my eyes from the harpy.

"I know, I know." He says to me. He turns to the girls.

"You're putting on quite a show, having a catfight here…"

That's when we notice nobody's looking at us. They're all looking at a little girl who's stuck in a tree. Poor kid's scared out of her wits.

"She can't get down?" Jeez, is this harpy's name Captain Obvious?

"Isn't this kinda dangerous?" No, Miia, we humans regularly climb dangerously high objects. It's completely safe!

The harpy puts her clothes back on (thank God) and Kimihito covers Miia's torn shirt with his jacket.

"Is she okay?" Kimihito aks.

"Don't worry! Leave it to me!" The harpy chirps. "I'll peck at her until she falls!"

Real brainpower on this one.

She leaps…and faceplants on the ground.

"I can't fly because my wings are wet." She explains.

Miia decides to take a whack at it and starts climbing the tree…and also in hopes that saving the girl will impress my brother. And they say guys have misplaced priorities. She gets to the girl, her face peering out through the leaves. Naturally, the girl gets so scared she falls off the branch. This day just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

Miia's tail shoots out…and the girl misses. Because of course. But then the harpy jumps up and catches her…but since her wings are too heavy, they both crash to the ground. Right on top of Kimihito. With the harpy's crotch in his face. Yeah.

Kimihito congratulates the harpy (her name is Papi. Papi the harpy. Ha ha). Also, I see that look. She's fallen (no pun intended) for my brother. Yippee-skippee. Everyone claps, the girl's mother thanks Papi, and Kimihito comforts Miia. But seriously though, I'm glad the kid's alright.

Then a cop on a bike comes, having heard about the kid being stuck in a tree. Great timing, bud. The cop asks about Miia and Papi's host families and apparently the bird girl doesn't have one, so of course Kimihito says that we're her host family. Great. Now we'll be looking after this dingbat.

But wait! The cop wants to our papers! Which we don't have! Huh boy. Then out of the blue, Smith shows up with them. I have no idea.

Back at home, Smith tells us how she had Papi's papers and that she ran way before Smith could force (yes, I heard that, Smith) us to take her. So now, Papi really is living with us. Have to agree with Kimihito, Smith really doesn't give two craps about her job, does she?

But Papi's happy. Now she's calling Kimihito 'Master' and is now dragging him off so they can bathe together. God, that's creepy. Miia, however, doesn't seem to mind, which is really weird. Even Smith notices.

"An adult like me can handle her." Miia says.

"Oh my. Papi's actually your age." Smith says.

Both Miia and I are blown away. Smith starts going on about how harpies evolved to have smaller bodies for flight and that they look younger than they are and Miia smashes the bathroom door in and yells that she'll look after Papi. Also, I don't care if Papi is older than she looks, I still feel like a pedo for thinking of her that way.

"By the way, Kaneda," Smith says to me. "I certainly hope you're not dumping all the responsibility onto your brother."

I roll my eyes.

"Please." I say. "If he wants to bust his nuts keeping those airheads in line, that's his problem, not mine."

I head for bed, just to get this day over. I look in on the busted bathroom where Miia's telling Papi to stay away from my brother and see Kimihito pinned under the broken door.

"You're bleeding, dude." I say.

A few mornings later, Kimihito jabs me awake.

"What do you want?" I moan.

"The refrigerator's empty." He tells me.

"Thanks for the heads-up." I say, trying to go back to sleep.

"You're going to go to the market and get more food."

"At this ungodly hour? You know I don't get out of bed till after eight."

"Kaneda, you know how hard I'm working to keep us all afloat."

"And for that, you have my eternal gratitude. Now beat it and let me sleep it."

"I'm serious, Kaneda! I know you think I'm a pushover…"

"I don't think so, I know so."

"But you're going to have to pull your weight around here, now that we've got Miia and Papi with us!"

"Hey, I didn't ask for them to stay here and neither did you! You chose to make them your responsibility and I chose to stay my course."

"Look, you're right, we didn't have a choice in having Miia and Papi here. But the bottom line is, if you want food for today, then you'll have to get it."

There's a long silence afterward.

"All right. Fine." I grumble, getting up. "You win. Happy now, Mom?"

"Yes."

I exit it the market just as the sun begins shining.

"I can't believe I'm going shopping first thing in the morning." I groan. "Both Miia and Papi eat enough to feed the entire city. Can our budget handle this?"

As I walk out an alley, something crashes into me and sends me flying into a street sign. Geez, is this what Kimihito goes through?

"I can't believe we actually met." A voice says. "It must be fate! My name is Centorea Shianus. I am a member of the dignified centaur race. Are you the one destined to be my master?"

I barely hear this, having had the wind knocked out of me and having collided with a metal sign. When I come to, I call Smith, who tells me about how centaurs have a tradition of finding their own masters before saying it's her day off, asking me to take care of her, and hanging up. Geez, and people say I'm lazy.

But enough about that, let's talk about Centorea. Sweet cranberry butter, she is amazing. Blonde ponytail, gorgeous blue eyes, jugs the size of my head and a frigging sword! Sure, she's got horse ears but that's easy to overlook, especially when compared to the horse body. Finally, something good has happened!

"Japanese spells are no joke." She says.

"Spells?" I ask.

"If you charge into an intersection, the one you run into is your soulmate. It's an ancient spell, right?"

Uh, what? That trope is so clichéd, I feel like heaving.

"If you did that, it'd cause a traffic accident." I say. "I, uh, almost died."

"I see." She says, handing back the groceries.

"And as much as I'd love to be your soulmate, that's not a spell. That's a manga cliché. And an old one."

"Wh-What?" She cries. "I knew I should've put toast in my mouth!"

Okay, is every monster girl just plain out of her mind? And why am I not caring as much as I usually would?

"Erm, where did you learn that?" I ask. "Why are you even looking for your soulmate this early, anyway? And using such, uh, violent methods?"

"Well, because…"

She's interrupted by a guy on a motor scooter roaring down the road and snatching a lady's purse. He shoots right past us and she suddenly hugs me, squeezing her face into her massive chest.

"Damn you. Committing more crimes?" Centorea growls, looking after the crook.

I barely hear her, being shoved between such glorious knockers. Oh, how I've longed to be subjected to marshmallow hell! Getting hard to breathe, though…

She notices my suffocation…and my hand getting a feel. Not entirely on purpose, I swear!

"I'm sorry!" Centorea says.

"It's all right, really…"

"But as a proud member of the centaur race, I cannot ignore the deeds of the vile criminal!" She declares, drawing her sword. "I swear on my blade that I will capture him!"

Damn, what a woman.

"But according to the Interspecies Exchange Bill, I cannot touch him." She continues, sheathing her sword. "That's why I've been looking for a master to fight alongside me."

Wait, what?

"Now, hold on…"

"But it can't be helped, however." She says, grabbing my arm. "It matters not if you aren't my master. Come with me."

Centorea drags away, putting my arm under her magnificent chest.

"Uh, wouldn't it just be easier for me to ride you?" I ask.

Suddenly, one of her hooves shoots out, nearly taking my head off.

"What are you doing? I'm not a horse!" She yells. "If you're not my master, then cease this rude behavior!"

Oh, great. I've already pissed her off.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I had no idea." I say. "But how am I supposed to go with you?"

Soon, Centorea's charging after the thief with me clinging for dear life to her torso.

"Touch me inappropriately and I'll throw you off, got it?" She says to me.

"Yes, got it! Crystal clear!" I say. "But can you slow down?"

The crook speeds up and so does she. Her boobs are bouncing at an unbelievable rate but I'm too busy trying to not die to enjoy. The guy shoots through a cart of huge water bottles. Centorea slices them with her sword and gets soaked. At this point, I don't know if this will be the best or worst death ever.

He jumps down to a lower road and she jumps too. Fuck me. She bounces off a truck and catches up to the crook, her sword to his throat. Centorea starts to tell me something but then notices me clutching her breasts. Hey, I'm desperate not to fall!

To make matters worse, the combination of her boobs bouncing and my hands rubbing is making her incredibly aroused. While she's accusing me of being perverted, I nearly fall, tearing her shirt open. The crook gets an eyeful, which distracts him long enough to crash into several boxes of paint. Unfortunately, Centorea has frozen up due to having her shirt torn open and we crash into the door of a paint factory.

I barely hear her swearing to kill me for groping her when the crook advances on her with her own sword. He raises the sword to kill her but by some miracle I leap to take the blow.

"I'm dead…" I thought as things went black.

"…Or so I thought, but I'm fine." I say on the phone to Smith a while later, my chest bandaged.

I tell her that Centorea's sword was fake and how eager she was to catch the crook, but then Smith tells me forcing Centorea to ride her was akin to raping her.

My insides freeze. Rape? Oh good God, someone please kill me now.

I turn and see Centorea standing at the door. I throw myself on the ground at her hooves and apologize with every fiber of my being. I look up and see her kneeling and staring me right in the eyes.

"I want you to call me Cerea." She says. "That's what my close friends call me."

She apologizes for getting me wrapped up in all that. I try to dismiss it, but she grabs my hand and shoves it on her chest, demanding me to feel how her heart is pounding. Then she switches gears again and says how she's truly met the man who is to be her master and how this is the first time anyone's sacrificed themselves to protect her.

"Therefore, I, Centorea Shianus, acknowledge you as my master and swear my lifelong loyalty to you. Master, will you accept my loyalty?"

Whoa mama. This is the first time I have ever been this serious with any kind of girl. And I've only just met this crazy chick. Yet there's only one thing I feel like doing.

I kiss her. And she kisses back. Now, I have never kissed a girl before and let me tell you, there is nothing like it. We both wrap our arms around each other, my one hand going through her lush ponytail. That's when Kimihito, Miia, and Papi walk in.

"Kaneda, who's this?" Kimihito asks.

"I'm hungry!" Papi says.

"Listen up, now that I'm here, things will be different. My master comes first." Centorea tells the others while seated for dinner.

"You don't have to worry about this one, Kimi boy." I tell Kimihito. "I'll take full responsibility for this one."

"How generous of you." He says, rolling his eyes.

Well, it seems like things are picking up around here. Gotta find ways to make up for the whole 'no sex' thing, though…


	2. Chapter 2

Today, Miia's going through the Interspecies Exchange Bill: humans and other species may not harm each other, a non-human may not go out unless accompanied by their host family, and she's been here the longest so the others have to listen to her. She's not that bad an artist, I must say…

Cerea starts protesting about Miia's changing it when Kimihito comes in saying Smith says to fill out her homestay application…and he's got a horseshoe mark around his eye. Miia gets supremely pissed but then Kimi jumps in and says he went to get Miia's bath ready, only to walk in on Cerea and she kicked him in the face. While Centorea apologizes, Miia jumps in.

"Darling, you're always defending Centorea!" She yells. "She belongs with your brother!"

"Got that right, snake-eyes."

Miia and Centorea start arguing about how violent centaurs are and how Miia's injured Kimihito and has never once harmed me and how I jumped in front of an evildoer's sword for her, how Kimihito protected Miia from thugs…frankly, things are heading in an interesting direction.

That's when we smell something burning. Turns out Papi was reading the bill and found out too confusing. Go figure.

Papi then says she wants to take a bath with Kimihito (ick) and he has to since Miia and Centorea are still fighting over which is better, him or me.

"Oh, hey, Kimihito, just to let you know, step off my lady, man." I tell him as he takes Papi to the bathroom. "You already got two."

"You know, a few days ago, you didn't give a crap about the girls." He retorts.

So I sit and watch the girls argue while trying to ignore the innuendo coming from the bathroom. I do catch how he wouldn't mind being Papi's big brother. Hey, neither would I, but the flirting gets downright creepy. Suddenly, there's the sound of yelling and splashing and…wait, did Papi just say 'force'?

Then Centorea grabs me, puts me on her back, runs into the bathroom and pins Papi to the wall with friggin' arrows! Damn, what a woman.

"Kimihito, climb up on my back with my master." She says.

Miia comes in, telling Cerea to finish her paperwork for Smith, but Centorea charges right over her and out the door.

"Papi should cool down, given some time." She tells us as we ride down the street.

Due to all the bouncing as she gallops, I'm forced to grab her breasts and Kimihito grabs onto me. When we get to the park, Centorea asks Kimihito if he's all right and he says yes.

"In that case, could you let go now, Master?" She asks me.

I realize I'm still clutching her boobs tightly.

"Whoa, sorry about that! It wasn't on purpose!" I say, quickly removing my hands.

"N-No, it's fine." She says. "For one who serves you, it's not a serious problem."

"Serves him? You're exaggerating." Kimihito says as we dismount.

"Hey, bro, this our talk." I tell him.

Centorea gives an impassioned speech about centaurs, their loyalty to their masters, and how it's run through her family and is her spirit.

"Ok, that's real great and honorable and all but this is Japan." I say. "I know centaur culture is important to you, but you should really let your hair down, you know?"

"I could never."

"You should take advantage of the Interspecies Exchange Bill-"Kimihito starts.

"We're talking here, Kim." I tell him. "But yeah, you should take advantage of the Bill thingy. It's what you came for, isn't it? Isn't there anything you want to do?"

"Anything I want to do?

Then she notices some random couple walking by.

"Um, I…no, never mind." Centorea says.

"Don't be shy." I say. "I mean, I'd never kissed a girl before…"

"My hand."

"Your hand?"

"I was hoping you'd hold my hand…I've only ever held swords and bows, so I thought…I just thought that's what girls do in a human society. There's no deeper meaning. No, as one who serves my master, that was an unbecoming outburst. Just pretend I never said-"

I take her hand in mine and she stops.

"Well, shoot, that's all you had to say."

She doesn't say anything, just looks really thunderstruck.

"Um, Cerea?"

I look her in the face. She looks like she's about to cry. Oh God, what do I do about something like that?

Cerea then begins pleading with me not to look when all of a sudden, Miia comes crashing down from the sky and Papi lands beside her. The three start arguing until they all notice that Kimihito and are both smothered in Centorea's chest (how he got there, I have no idea).

Miia slithers over, hopping mad, and Centorea chucks Kimihito away while still holding on to me. She protests but Miia still accuses her of taking us out here to flirt with both of us.

"Dignified centaur, my butt!" Miia snaps, squeezing Kimihito to her bust.

I want to say "Watch what you say about my lady, scale face!" But Centorea crushes me tighter and snaps that she's not gonna take this kind of lip.

"I don't care about your 'darling'!" Cerea says. "Do you think you are wife to both him and my master?"

And then Papi tries to Kimihito. Ya know, I always thought it'd be nice to the subject of ladies fighting but now I'm thinking I should take that off the wish list. The three of them decide to settle this with force and oh holy God do they look frightening, when Kimihito runs in to stop things, a gun goes off, and Kim collapses with three darts in his back. I see Smith standing there with a gun and looking real shocked that she shot my brother. Nevertheless, I am not taking chances around this broad.

"This is why I hate leaving the house." I say, hiding behind Cerea.

When we all get home, Smith expresses amazement that Kim is fine and asks him not to tell anyone. Jesus, what is with this bitch? The girls apologize for getting Kim shot and Miia swears they'll hold back so they won't cause any more trouble for him.

"Hey, you don't have to hold back around me, babe." I joke, nudging Cerea.

Kimihito gives some speech about we're all family here in the homestay, so they don't need to hold back. I could just throw up. Though it was funny to see Smith do a spit take when he said it was her fault.

Speaking of Smith, she jumps in about changes are being made to the Bill to allow humans and other species to marry and how she was looking for a test case to see if that was possible. She finishes by saying I'll marry Cerea and Kim will marry Miia or Papi.

…I'm sorry, what?

"M-Marry?" Kimihito chokes. Right there with ya, bro.

Kimihito begins protesting about saying we'll be marrying thing (again, I agree) and asks what we're supposed to do.

"Try your best?" Smith suggests. Wow, thanks a lot. And with that, she leaves.

"What?" Kim squawks.

"I hope you lock your keys in your car!" I yell.

Later that night, I can't sleep. Partly because Kimihito's been talking to himself incessantly about the marriage thing and partly because I'm worried about it myself. Yeah, Cerea's nice and hot and got a good head on her shoulders, but getting married, like, right now? What the hell, Smith, you crazy broad?

I then hear Miia entering Kimihito's room and the two start talking and…wait, what'd she say? Mating? What the hell is going on over there? Suddenly, there's the sound of the window breaking and Papi's voice. Seriously, what the hell is going on over there?

Then there's the sound of his door being broken down and Centorea yelling. She pulls Kimihito out of his room and into mine.

"Uh, what's going on?" I ask.

Centorea explains that it's a full moon tonight, which really awakens monster instincts.

"So, are you okay, Cerea?" I ask.

"Of course! I don't lose my head over a mere full moon! I swore my loyalty to you! My body and heart are yours! Therefore, you can do anything to me!"

Wait, what?

"We're as good as married!" She says, grabbing my wrists and forcing them onto her breasts.

Okay, normally, I'd be all over this, but this whole full moon thing is really throwing up red flags here.

"Whoa, Cerea, sweetie, I'm thinking you've really lost your…"

She whips the twins out then and there and they are both glorious. But then Miia and Papi appear. Miia squeezes the bars of my bed and crushes them. Papi bares her razor-sharp talons and jabs them near Kim's head. Centorea smashes an end table underhoof. Oh God, this is turning lethal. Since this can only end in death, the two of us start running. The girls briefly grab us but we get away and hide in the kitchen. Then Smith calls Kim and tells him about the full moon and what it entails. Gee, thanks for telling us! And all she's still on the damn marriage thing! Oh, and the advice she gives? Cool them down with ice from the fridge!

"Listen, you lazy bitch!" I yell, grabbing Kim's phone. "We could possibly die here, so you better get your shit together and…!"

And she drops her phone in water. Because of course she does. Then the girls bust in, Miia and Papi on Kim and Cerea on me. However, they snap to their senses when they think Kimihito landing on a ketchup bottle was blood. They had to take away nature's perfect condiment…

The girls wake up the next morning and see us both all bandaged. Oh, and apparently, they don't remember anything that happened last night. Because why not? Kimihito says he'll date both Miia and Papi before collapsing and I collapse right on Centorea.

"Look, Cerea, I think you're really nice, but do you think maybe we could take this slow? You know, just hand holding, kissing, maybe some groping? Oh, and remember to go to bed early on full moon nights."

Yup. Living the dream, my brother and I…


	3. Chapter 3

It's dinnertime. Centorea is polishing her sword, Papi makes Kimihito play video games with her and I watch. Miia reaches for one of the pots, opens it and screams. We turn and see Miia with some kind of blue slime thing covering her head and drowning her. Once it gets off, Kimihito lays Miia on the couch and Cerea informs him it was a slime that attacked Miia. Centorea swears to protect us but Papi wants Kim to play games with her.

"Papi's really taken a liking to video games." Kimihito says.

"A girl after my own heart." I say.

Kim lifts a towel from a bowl of water for Miia and the slime bursts out, big as life.

"Get away from my master!" Centorea yells, her sword bending but not breaking the slime.

"But slimes are the weakest of the weak in most RPGs!" She cries.

"Aw, come on, hon, even I don't believe everything I see in games." I say.

The slime seems pretty mad and attacks us both before leaving us covered in slime. Just like in that movie.

"Cerea, are you okay?" I ask.

She's fine, but completely covered in slime. There's an eye-opener for ya. I get in the shower to wash the slime off.

"Jeez." I mutter. "The girls were one thing, but this? Does this happen to everyone?"

Centorea asks to come in and I let her. She comes in buck naked. This catches me off guard so she says she came in to protect me from the slime. Great old gal, isn't she? She then slips and falls on top of me, asking for my help in washing the slime off of her. Her breasts crush my face, so it's hard to respond. In a few minutes, I'm scrubbing her down like a person would a horse (it's kinda weird). Then I learn that apparently a centaur's sweet spot is around the rump. That's kind of awkward, so I move to her chest but that's not much different. We just get in the tub, weird how we didn't do that sooner.

I see hoe embarrassed she is, so I pull her close and ask why the slime attacked. Centorea explains how it was looking for water and I think how bad it would be if it got into the bath when stuff starts dripping down from the ceiling. Wouldn't you know, it's the slime. Centorea goes for her sword and ends up grabbing…mine. She gets so freaked she falls out of the tub and knocks herself out. Perfect.

The slime grabs me with a tentacle. Great, it's just like when Link fought Morpha.

"Wait! Don't eat me!" I plead. "I'm mostly snack foods! And people aren't into slime attacking guys-!"

Suddenly, the slime bursts into the shape of a busty blue skinned, green haired, green eyed woman. Holy Moses, that was unexpected. The slime leans in close and hugs me. Wow, this scenario is really turning around! We fall on the ground and she starts rubbing her boobs on my face. It would be nice except that I almost suffocate from it.

"Now, hold on, girlie," I say once I push her away. "We've only just met and…"

She takes Cerea's brush and starts using it on my chest. Okay, this is getting really weird now. As she keeps this up, I wonder if she was copying the things we were doing and if this is how she's trying to communicate. Then the boobs come back. But since she's made of slime, it's like sticking my head underwater. And I can't grab her either. Oh great, I'm going to drown on dry land in a pair of water tits. The only thing to do is get into the tub, which successfully washes it off. I leave to inform the others.

The girls and Kim are amazed at what I did and that the slime is humanoid. Cerea suggests contacting Smith but Kim asks if she'll really handle it. He's got a point there. Still, we don't know what to do but leave it in the tub for now.

The next morning, Miia and Centroea are all up in arms about the slime girl absorbing their stuff but Kim and Papi stop them. Oh, and Papi named the slime girl Suu. Kim gets Suu boots and a raincoat to wear while we deduce that Suu lost water and is now smaller as a result.

Kim, Centorea, Miia, and I discuss how Suu most likely didn't come here legally. Centorea asks is we should tell Smith. Kim says we don't know where to send her and Centorea comments they'd porbably imprison Suu.

Centorea thinks the best thing to do is to tell Smith, lest we brothers get in trouble for housing an illegal immigrant. She also thinks Suu wouldn't be able to handle the friction that still exists between humans and other species.

"She may eventually make a mistake. When that happens, everything we've worked for will have gone to waste." She says.

"She's right, Kim." I say. "We don't have any real options."

Kimihito looks like he's about to make his decision when we hear the window close. We look and see that Papi and Suu are gone. We all go out the front door and see Papi flying off with Suu. Kimihito runs after them and I follow.

"Hey, that's my slime you're flying off with, bird brain!" I yell.

"Your slime?" Kimihito says.

"Hey, I'm the one she showed her true form too! With a little time, we could get a good thing going!"

"I swear to God, Kaneda…"

"Hey, just because you're scared about what'll happen if you touch a girl doesn't mean I have to be!"

"I'm not scared of touching them, I'm scared of getting arrested!"

We follow the two of them all the way to the bridge on the river where Suu suddenly panics, causing Papi to drop her and she lands on us. Really hurts for something made of liquid. Papi asks why Suu panicked and Kim guesses it was because she was scared of the river, thinking that much water would kill her. Makes sense.

Then Kim begins laying into Papi for running away and Papi says because we were going to arrest Suu, who'd done nothing wrong.

"Well, she did almost kill us." I say.

"That happens all the time!" She snaps.

Okay, point there.

Papi refuses to listen to anything Kimihito says and swears to protect Suu. Before Kim can think of what to say next, a bunch of kids come up with water guns and ask Papi to play with them. Turns out Papi has snuck numerous times and has played with these kids lots of times.

Kim asks why Papi's so popular when several of the boys nail him, me and Papi with water balloons. Papi runs and grabs two of them, holding them close to her soaked body…oh. Oh, God, those little perverts! Another kid sprays the girls with his water gun, soaking their clothes. Jesus, I wasn't this horny when I was a kid!

Kim moves to stop them when we both notice Suu absorbing water from the river. As a result, her boobs come back in and the kids take notice. Well, that's just great. Apparently, Suu gets bigger when she absorbs enough water. She then hugs one of the kids into her chest, obviously mimicking Papi. The other boys want her to do it to them too. How pleasant.

Instead, Suu points her finger at them and sprays them a rush of water. Serves you right, ya little bastards! Papi grabs their water guns and gives them to the girls and they all chase them up to the bridge. Kim and I follow and I can't help but notice how much fun Suu is having. I look at Kim and it seems like he's thinking the same thing.

That's when a truck comes barreling up the street like a bat out of hell and one of the girls runs into the street after her hat. The truck heads right at her when Suu leaps out and grabs the girl, absorbing the impact of the truck and knocking onto the guardrail of the bridge, with the girl safe, thank God.

However, the truck was knocked into another part of the guard, causing cracks to appear and the wall shatters, Suu falling towards the river. Papi grabs her hand but Suu slips through and falls towards the river. But it's okay; Kim and I caught her by driving the truck into the river. Papi's overjoyed that Suu's okay. Real moving, I must admit.

Later, Suu and Papi say goodbye to the kids while Kimihito explains to Miia and Centorea over the phone that Suu'll be staying. As we head home, Kim tells Suu and Papi not to let Smith know she's staying. Don't really think they get it. We're almost home when Suu starts oozing over me. She feels like cold gelatin. Feels kinda nice, actually…

"Whoa, easy there, Suuzie girl." I say. Maybe she really won't be so bad.

Then we open the door and find that Smith's there. Whoops.


	4. Chapter 4

Miia's got us all assembled in a dark room, discussing what to do since the government knows of Suu's existence. Centorea asks what we can do against the government and Miia asks Kim if he has any suggestions, which he doesn't.

Kim points out that they're suddenly on Suu's side; Miia says because she won't be a romantic rival and Centorea says it's because she following my decision.

"Don't worry, Suuzie." I say, patting her in the bucket being held by Papi. "We won't let anything happen to you.

Then someone from the I.E.S.S. rings the bell. Kimihtio answers and a bunch of construction guys march in and start tearing the place up.

They better not go anywhere near my room.

Kimihito then notices the girls are gone and we run out to look for them. When we get into town, we hear a scream and see a girl in a wheelchair rolling down a slope, out of control. We both race over to catch her before she crashes and we do. Kimihtio ends up crushed against a wall and I end up with the girl in my arms and her chest in my face.

"Soft airbags…" I can't help but state. Also, I think Kim's head is bleeding.

"Are you all right?" The girl asks. "Shall I call an ambulance?"

"We're fine." Kim reassures her. "This happens all the time."

"Far too often." I say.

We put the girl back in her wheelchair and she introduces herself as Mero.

"I'm Kurusu Kimihito and this is my brother Kaneda." Kim says.

He tells her we're looking for some non-human girls and she asks if those would be a lamia, harpy and centaur. Apparently, she saw the girls.

Mero takes us near the lake where we see Miia standing off against Suu. Miia tries to explain herself when Suu latches onto her and starts licking. Damn, I'd heard of being thirsty but this is ridiculous. Once Suu finishes sucking off Miia, she focuses on Mero. I step in front of her to guard.

"Now, look Suu…" I begin.

She lunges at Mero and crashes onto me. We thrash and wrestle on the ground for a bit until Kim catches her in a plastic bag.

At home that night, the crew's finished building a waterproof room. The girls are pretty pissed that they ran off with and were violated by Suu for nothing. Then the foreman gives Kim and me a crap-ton of paperwork to sign. Joy. Who should show up then but Smith.

Papi thanks Smith for making a room for Suu which sets Smith off on a rant about all the work she does, so she's ignoring Suu's existence as it'll be one less thing for her to do. Yeah, I can't believe it either.

Kim asks why she made a room for Suu but Smith wheels Mero of all people in. Turns out those suits the girls were hiding from were looking for Mero, who gushes about how her hosts rescued her.

Mero lifts her dress, revealing a pink fish tail. Yeah, she's a mermaid. I really don't know why I'm surprised. And on top of all that: crud. Ever since that Disney movie, I've though mermaids were hot.

The next day, Kimihito's carrying Mero up the stairs, Miia gets pissed, she leaps on him and they both crash to the floor. Oh, and Miia wrecks Mero's wheelchair.

Cerea calls to ask Smith for a new one and Kim says we're going to have to carry her around for now.

"I'll carry the lady, if you don't mind, bro. It really annoys your snake wife when you do it." I say, scooping up Mero. Kim shoots me a look.

The three of us head up to show Mero around the upstairs and I can only barely hear Miia ranting about having a new romantic rival.

"By the way, do you have girlfriends, Masters?" Mero asks us.

"Where did that come from?" Kim asks.

"Well, not exactly-"I begin when Mero slips out of my grasp. Geez, who knew mermaids were so slimy? She's also not exactly a featherweight, not that I'll never admit that.

As I try not to drop her, Kim also jumps in to catch her and my hand squeezes her boob. Miia mistakes it for Kim's hand and when he tries to prove it, my hand takes Mero's top off. Miia gets even madder and Mero explains that mermaids' bodies are covered in mucus to keep from drying out. She also says she doesn't mind if we disrobe her.

As we continue showing Mero around, Miia appears and tries to seduce Kimihito by being covered by Suu's slime. Naturally, Kim doesn't pick up on it.

When we get to the living room, someone's turned the A.C. on high.

"You all right, Mero?" I ask her.

She says yes, as mermaids are resistant to cold temperatures.

Kim tries to reset the temperature but then leaves to get more batteries for the remote. He drags me along with, but I manage to hear bits and pieces from the girls. Meron really likes The Little Mermaid, she asks Papi if kim or me have girlfriends, asks Centorea if she's one of our girlfriends and Centorea says she simply serves me.

Kim gets batteries the remote, we head back and Mero starts coughing because the warm air is drying out her gills. We take Mero to her room and leaves Miia to put in the batteries. Kinda cold, don't you think, bro?

We get Mero to her pool and Mero again asks if we have girlfriends.

"No, I don't. Why do you care so much?" Kim asks.

"Well, it's kinda complicated." I tell her. "I mean, Centorea's hot and an overall amazing woman but I don't really know if I'm really what she's looking for. I mean, yeah, she claims to serve me and she puts up with my constant cuddling, horny groping and slobbering kisses but frankly, I think she can do better than an introverted horndog like me. And Suu, well, I don't really know how much she understands about love."

Mero's about to tell Kim why she cares so much when the girls bust in swimsuits. Miia gets close to Mero (pretty sure she's up to something) and Cerea leans in. Miia gets her to enter and…whoa mama! Faith is the only thing that top's using to hold her chest at bay!

Miia accuses her of trying to seduce Kim and tells her to seduce me and Cerea responds the suit's too small. Papi peeks out from under Cerea's pareo, looking for Suu. She hits something, causing Centorea to jolt and her bust bounces, nearly popping out. She makes a hasty exit, with Papi still underneath.

After I've processed what's happened, Mero drags Kim and me into the pool. Miia dives in after us and I only barely catch her sinking past us. Kimihito breaks away from Mero and me and gets Miia to the surface. Mero frantically apologizes and tries to warm Miia. Kim tells her he's still got a bath for her and Suu jumps down from the ceiling and lands on Kim's head, trying to suck the water off. The girls leave for a bath while try to help Kim get Suu off of his head.

"Come on, Suuzie Q, let him go!" I plead. "Do it to me if you want but don't kill him!"

Once we get Suu off, we pass the bathroom where Mero and Miia are yelling.

"They're friends already?" Kimihito says.

"Hey, Kim, if you don't want Mero, I'll be glad to take her off your hands!"

"There's something wrong with you, you know that?"


	5. Chapter 5

This morning, I'm lying in bed seriously ill. Why, you ask? We'll get to that. This morning, Miia tried to cook for Kimihito, severely hurt herself, and then later she's crying about shedding or something. Then after that, she starts screaming and gasping like a friggin' banshee, and God, I do not want to know what's going on with that.

But anyway, about the whole seriously ill thing? Mero, Centorea, Papi, Suu and I come into the kitchen, too late to stop Kim from eating Miia's god-awful food. The stupid snake copied Kim instead of using a cookbook and made all of us try it. I'll be surprised if we're not all killed by the food poisoning. This definitely cinches it-Kim can have her!

That evening, Kimihito comes home from work, having stopped at the supermarket on his way home. Papi speaks up and tells him she's going to lay an egg. The girls all whack Kim and the head, and boy, did it look painful. They calm down when they learn the egg's unfertilized, which I must say is quite a relief. Papi says it's her first egg since coming to Japan and Kim says we should call Smith. The doorbell rings.

Kim answers the door and there's some dude with a video camera, asking if there's a harpy about to lay an egg. Who is this guy and why is he three feet tall? Miia asks how he knows and…wait, did he say he was listening?

The guy, Kasegi, says he's doing a documentary on interspecies exchange and wants to interview us. He comes in and starts rolling around in our hallway. Freaky. Kim and I are both unsure of this, but Cerea says they should. Kasegi asks if Papi's laying her egg, and it's not, so he decides to interview the other girls till it comes. Okay, call me crazy, but something seems seriously off with this guy…

We go to Mero's room first and the first thing he asks is if Mero's wearing any panties.

"Hey! How could you ask a girl that question?" Miia yells. For once I'm with her.

He then asks how Mero gets out of the pool. She demonstrates by leaping out of the water and Kasegi focuses on her bust. Mero realizes her top slipped and she jumps back in the pool, screaming.

"Hey! Did you…?" I demand.

"It's okay. I'll edit it out." He says.

"Yeah, you better!"

He decides to move on to Centorea next. I start to protest, but Cerea says she'll be fine.

Centorea starts describing her room and Kasegi asks her if she wears panties. Jesus, what's wrong this guy? Even I didn't ask the girls these kinds of stuff when I met them! Then he gropes her when Cerea says she doesn't wear a bra! She pulls out her sword and frankly, I don't blame her! I'm ready to pound the guy myself.

"Hey! What's the big idea, molesting a girl, pal?" I snap.

"You haven't done anything similar?"

"Yeah, but with a little thing called consent, asshole!"

He then gives an impassioned speech about covering the mutual relationship and friendship between species but I'm more concerned about Cerea.

"Are you okay?" I ask her.

"I'm fine." She says, even though she doesn't look it.

Kasegi goes to Miia's room and asks if she wears panties. She shoves him aside and spots the sack of her shed skin. Apparently that's Kim was helping her with and why she'd been screaming like that. Director guy launches into a tirade about all that's been done with snake skin over the ages and asks to have it. Of course, Miia says no but then Kasegi says he'll give it to research facilities which could lead to a big discovery, which could lead to Miia being allowed to marry a certain someone.

Oh God, she's got that look on her face whenever she's about to do something that she thinks will land her Kimihito. She agrees but then Kim and I overhear him muttering about getting more money if he got footage of her shedding. Suddenly, Mero pops in and says Papi's laying her egg. We all rush in and of course, the pervert wants to film this. He gets Papi to lift her skirt and Kimihito to help her.

Kim starts rubbing Papi's abdomen. Gads, just seeing it is making me feel uncomfortable and I've let Suu completely envelop me while I sleep. Does Papi have to sound so turned on?

Kasegi wants to know what Kim'll do with the egg but Kim's more preoccupied with what's going on right now. Papi says the egg's almost out and Kasegi tells her to take her panties off, the bastard…

'That's it. Show me that uncensored egg-laying scene. A harpy's egg is worth no less than three million yen. And paired with this uncensored footage, it could be worth four…no, five million. Man, non-human species are a gold mine. They're dumb too. So easily manipulated.' Kasegi thinks to himself.

How do I know this? Suu read his mind by putting a tentacle on his head and speaking them aloud. Apparently Suu can do that. Who knew?

We're all shocked, but frankly, is it that surprising? Miia, Centorea, and Meron prepare to whomp him but he hides behind the 'species can't hurt each other law' because there's really no way he can stoop even lower.

Kimihito holds up an egg and throws it into the air. Kasegi dives for it and Kim punches it into his face. Damn, bro.

Oh, and he didn't really smash Papi's egg, it was a regular one. Speaking of which, Mero tells us that Papi's is nearly out and the girls surround her while Miia covers Kim's eyes with her tail. Okay, I do not need to be around for this.

"Uh, hey, you guys take care of the egg, I'll throw the bum out, okay?"

I quickly drag Kasegi out of the house and stomp on him twice.

"That's for Mero and that's for Cerea, shithead!" I snap before slamming the door.

When I get back upstairs, the egg's out. Not that I really care.

That night, Miia's cooking dinner as the others wonder what to do with Papi's egg. Kimihito asks Smith what we should do and naturally, she doesn't want to get involved. She does however inform that the director's name and address were fake and promises to investigate him. I for one hopes she does as who knows how many more girls that director will exploit before he's stopped.

Kimihito asks Papi what she did with her egg and Papi said she put it in the refrigerator. Kim starts to say what if someone cooks it when we all stop and come to the same realization…

Miia cooked…Papi's…egg? Get the mop, I'm gonna blow.

And now for something completely different!

After that traumatizing dinner, I'm with Centorea in her room.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Cerea." I say, massaging her breasts the way she likes (clockwise and from behind).

"You have nothing to apologize for, Master. That director fooled us all and Papi laid her egg safely. That's the most important thing." She says.

"Still, I feel I should do something…" I say, nibbling at her neck.

I also rub her ears between my thumb and finger. They are amazingly soft. Centorea gasps.

"How in the world are you so good at this, Master?" She asks.

"I really do not know." Actually, I might. Who knew reading so much fanfiction would be so beneficial?

Centorea grabs me and whips me around in front of her.

"Kiss me already, Master!"

And boy, do we. Let me tell you, scouring for pics on the Internet is nothing compared to real women. Warm skin, long blonde hair, soft massive breasts, lips that taste like heaven…good God, Smith, you can dump all the lady monsters on us that you want, you lazy broad!

Centorea then pushes me away.

"Master…we have to stop! You know what'll happen if we go too far…"

"Don't worry, I've got something that'll help."

I reach over and uncover a platter of Miia's cooking. That kills any and all libido pretty quickly.

"That certainly worked." Centorea moans, covering her mouth and looking ill.

"Good night, Centorea." I say, kissing her on the cheek.

"Good night, master."

I head into Mero's room and kneel beside the pool.

"You all right, water lady?"

Mero's head breaches the surface.

"I'm fine, Master, even considering the day we had." She says. She ducks down to leap out of the water.

"No, here, let me do it."

I grab under her armpits and hoist her out of the pool. The force exerted causes me to fall over with Mero on top.

"You appear to have me at a disadvantage, Miss Mero."

"So I do." She says slyly, removing her top. "The question is, what am I going to do now?"

She leans in for the kill and I wrap my arms around her bare back. Let me tell ya, one of the best feelings in the world is making out with a naked mermaid who's also soaking wet. I think Suu's given me a thing for wet women…

Her breasts aren't as big as Centorea's but are still really great, and it's a whole new experience feeling her tail, her ears and her webbed hands. Thankfully, her lips don't taste like fish. Mero breaks off and hovers above me.

"It's so nice having such noble figures like you and your brother protecting us." She says. "It would be so tragic if you and your brother fell for me and in fighting for my hand, killed each other or me as I tried to stop you."

Where'd that come from? "Uh, if you wanna get some from Kim on the side, I'm okay with that."

"Really?"

"Well, in addition to you, I also do this stuff with Centorea and Suu, so if I got pissed that you were doing other guys, that'd make me one heck of a hypocrite."

"Oh." She looks disappointed.

"All right, back in ya go." I say, putting her back in the pool. "Good night, Mero."

"Good night, Master."

When I get into bed, I feel cold slime oozing its way over me.

"Master…"

"Good night, Suu."


	6. Chapter 6

Smith's dropped by our place (doesn't this lady have a home?) after she and a group of liminals took down a group of orcs who were holding a doujinshi shop hostage and demanding there be orc-themed porn. I promise you I am not joking in the slightest.

As the girls comment on the orcs, Smith's cronies bust in for food-a monoeye, a doppelganger, an ogre, and a zombie. The doppelganger's kinda creepy and the monoeye's single eye is a bit off-putting, but the ogre's cheerful enough and the zombie's hot too. Of course, would that be considered necrophilia? The most important thing at the moment, however, is that now Smith has brought four additional freeloaders with her. Goody, goody.

Later that night, Kimihito and I are returning home from a supermarket closing sale he dragged me to when something knocks us out and grabs us both right at the door to the house. When we come to, we're both hanging upside down and tied up with webbing. Our captor reveals herself: Rachnera Arachnera, a majorly spooky half woman, half spider. She asks us if this our first time seeing an Arachne and if we're scared.

I must admit I'm pretty scared, given the circumstances. Kim just asks her to let us down and she notes how composed he is. I must agree: Kim, we're being held hostage by a spider woman! Act like it!

She cuts us down and asks us how long we can keep up the tough guy act. We immediately try to squirm away. A cop suddenly enters the warehouse we're in and Rachnera grabs us and hides in the rafters, silencing us by squashing us against her chest. She notes how 'hard' we are and when Kim protests, she gags us. Then she does some thrusting before hurling us out to hang. Oh, and the cop runs out. Perfect.

Rachnera taunts us about falling and then goes on about punishing us while rubbing her bare chest against our backs. Oh great, she's one of those BDSM chicks. Sorry, but I prefer ladies who are into regular sex.

She nibbles on Kim's ear and he actually bites through the web and plummets to the ground. She catches him, though. After letting me down, Rachnera cuts us free. Kim asks her why she isn't with her host family and she tells him how her family didn't want her, so they gave her to Kasegi. Then she rants about how humans only accept those who look like them and we're only reacting to her human half. I can't argue with that; I am really not fond of spiders and while she does have a great rack, she's also got six friggin' blood red eyes!

But then Kimihito says he thinks her legs are alluring!

"What the hell, Kim!" I yell.

Even Rachnera agrees, saying he must be seriously perverted to be turned on by spider legs. She's also right about him being pent-up. I actually have ways to vent. That's when lights shine on outside. The cops are here.

Smith's voice rings out, declaring how the assault of a movie director violated the bill and they must surrender now. God, I thought I'd never be happy to see that broad!

"Yeah, I did hit that guy…" Kimihito whimpers. "But that was…no. Regardless of the reason, violence is violence."

Oh, I cannot believe this.

"They're not here for you, you nimrod!" I yell. "It's her they want!"

Even Rachnera can't believe that he thinks they're after him. He says to her…

What? How can he not think they're after her? She kidnapped us, you moron! It's not hard to believe she'd attack the director guy! Wait, he's turning himself in? And he wants her to run? What the hell are you thinking…no, don't wish her good luck, you ignoramus!

Rachnera starts laughing at this and says she's even grown fond of him. Don't tell me he's really…

Okay. That's it. I'm done. I head outside where all the cops are waiting.

"Could someone please talk to my brother before I kill him?"

As the police leave, Smith apologizes to Rachnera for not handling her properly. Oh, but get this: Rachnera wants to stay with us! And Smith lets her.

Good God, I am going to need some serious time with Cerea, Mero and Suu to wash away the funk of this night.


	7. Chapter 7

My alarm goes off and I blindly grope around for it until I grab something soft and squishy. I open my eyes and see that I've grabbed Centorea's boob.

"Good morning, Master." She says.

"Whoa, sorry there, Cerea!" I say, releasing it. "But why are you here? This is something Miia would do to Kim."

She doesn't answer. Later, Kim's washing the breakfast dishes and Rachnera compliments him. Miia gets mad that Rachnera called him honey and Rachnera retorts that maybe she should call him darling. Okay, that was kinda funny. Miia lunges at Rachnera, who easily webs her up. She's also pretty pissed at how Rachnera's won over Papi, Suu and Mero.

Centorea says she has no objections to rachnera living here, much to Miia's shock. I do notice, however, she's staying pretty close to Kimihito and me. She pulls away when she realizes her boob is crushing my face against the wall and offers to let me ride her.

This is pretty strange of Cerea to be so assertive and I tell her so. She replies by saying that accompanying me (and Kimihito, to a lesser extent) at all times is her duty. Kim goes into the bathroom and Centorea lectures Miia about not judging by appearances, especially with non-humans.

Later that night, I'm at my computer when Centorea suddenly bashes the door down with Kim on her back. Before I can say anything, she grabs me, throws me on, leaps the window and gallops off. We move through town while Kim tries to get Cerea to stop.

Centorea instead comments on how people are staring at her because she's different, but Kim and I can tell they're really staring at her bouncing jugs. Cerea comments more on stares and something about judging Rachnera. She finally stops and lets us off, saying she's not worthy of representing the centaur race.

Before Kim or I can say anything, the jerkhole couple show up with a gang and start hurling slurs at Cerea. My brother and I are getting pretty steamed, but Cerea stops us. But then she gets mad when the gang implies she needs both of us to saisfy her and she draws her sword. The leader guy smugly points out she can't hurt humans and two of guys grab Kim and me. Two others grab Cerea and the leader states plans to molest Centorea's chest.

All right, that is it. I've seriously wanted to crush this jerk's head for what he's said about Cerea but what he plans to do is just unforgivable. I may seriously get my ass kicked but Cerea is more than worth it.

Before I can do anything, the guy and his gang are suddenly all wrapped up in webbing. Rachnera appears and scares the everloving shit out of the guy. Cerea thanks her and Rachnera webs up Kim, saying she's the only one allowed to torment him. Yeesh. Centorea whacks her on the head and pulls Kim away. She then says that she's thankful but she still hates Rachnera, as well as even though Kim isn't her master he is my brother and not her plaything.

Rachnera laughs and says she's glad Cerea spoke her mind and that she doesn't mind if Centorea doesn't like her. As we head home, Centorea tells Rachnera that she must repay her. Rachnera takes her up on that by webbing her up.

I have really got to find a way to make this all up for her…

A couple of days later, Kim and I both have colds. The girls are all shocked, to say the least. Smith suddenly burst in, seals us both in Kim's room, and has the whole house decontaminated, out of fear of a pandemic. Cerea asks what'll be done for us and Smith says she'll take care of us. I think I'd rather risk a pandemic.

She even flat out says she's doing this in spite of all the work she has. Even the girls can tell she's just doing this as an excuse to skip work. Ten minutes later, Smith's out like a light. Thanks a lot, agent lady. Downstairs, the girls discuss what to do about us. They talk for a long time. After a while, Suu comes into Kim's room, sounding like Cerea for some reason.

Cerea then explains through Suu that the girls are going to take care us via Suu, as she can't get infected. Suu comes up and touches foreheads with me. It feels nice and cool but then she envelops my whole face. I pull out and Suu starts talking in Mero's voice. She explains how mermaids cure them themselves with pools filled with medicinal herbs. Then she puts me in a freezing wading pool. Did I ever mention I hate the cold? O h and apparently, I have to stay here for a week.

"This won't cure me, this'll kill me!" I yell.

Suu then shifts to Miia, who made white porridge for Kim. Oh, and she made it with a bunch of different white ingredients. Sounds deliciously poisonous. Kim's extremely reluctant, only to discover Suu already ate it. Attagirl, Suuzie. You saved my brother's life.

Then Suu goes to Papi, who told Suu to sleep with Kim with wings wrapped around him. Suu morphs into some extremely terrifying winged abomination. Then Suu wraps us up with her body and then rubs her breasts on us. It's too much and we both pass out.

Oh yeah, did I mention how we got sick? It was rainy and Suu had run off. We both knew the rain could seriously hurt her, so we went out looking for her. We found her hiding in an alleyway and gave her our umbrella to use for the way home.

When I wake up, it's night time and I'm drinking water-from Suu's breast. And so is Kim. We both pull away and realize how much better we feel.

"Thanks, Suu." I say, petting her head.

All the girls rush into Kim's room. They ask if we're okay and Kim says yeah, thanks to Suu. They're all shocked.

"No. You got sick because of me. I'm sorry. But I'm okay now. After all, I love my master." Suu says.

We're all dumbfounded, none of us knowing how Suu learned to talk like that. Miia gets mad at the thought of another rival, but Suu's apparently forgotten what she said.

Smith comes in and it turns out she has a cold now.


	8. Chapter 8

Kimihito and I enter a maid café to meet with Smith. Kim's confused why we had to meet here of all places, but Smith just brushes him off and calls over a waitress. Why are we doing this? Don't worry, we'll get to that.

Smith's complaining about the coffee when we notice a busty maid with pink hair.

"Mero?" I say.

"Yes? Did you want to request a particular maid?" She asks.

Looks and sounds like Mero…but there's no way Mero could stand on her tail.

"No, sorry. I thought you were someone else." I say.

Smith even points out that Mero can't stand up. She's wearing frilly clothes like Mero does, but then again, so do the rest of the maids…

Smith then asks us where we should go next. Kimihito suggests somewhere private, as the current setting is making him nervous. Everything makes you nervous, dude.

The pink haired maid suddenly starts screaming and moaning before falling on the ground. She's still there when we pay leave. Still could've sworn that was Mero, though…

While walking through town, we come across a cosplay party for a new game that's coming out. Smith says she's good at crane games. Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it. Those things are impossible. Kim gets momentarily distracted by a girl that looks like Papi. Can't be her because that girl has hands and breasts.

Once inside, Smith nabs prize after prize from the crane game. I'm impressed, in spite of myself. Smith suggests we go somewhere quieter. As we leave, Kim and I notice a bunch of games huddled around something and cheering. Weird…

We go to an outdoor café and Kim and I go to an ice cream truck. When we order, I swear to God that the servers look exactly like Miia and Centorea. Kim even points out all the similar faces as we bring the ice cream back to Smith. As we eat, Kim and I notice all the guys ganging up on the ice cream truck, all ordering milk flavor. The hell…? Smith drags us away again in the direction of a hotel. When we get there, we enter a room where MON is and we wait.

After a bit, we hear screaming right below our window. Tionishia opens the window and pulls whoever they are in while Manako and Zombina have their guns ready. It turns out to be…Miia and Rachnera.

We round up the girls and Smith explains what's been going on: someone sent my brother and I a letter that read 'I'll kill you if either of you marry anyone. –D'. Smith had tried to lure the responsible party out by pretending to be on a date with us but it didn't work. She then asks the girls to go on dates with us until the culprit is caught.

Something tells me this is going to be quite the tumultuous affair…

The next day, Kimihito and Miia are out on their quote-unquote date.

"We haven't been on a date in forever." Miia says, hanging off of Kim's arm. "Today it's just the two of us…or so I thought, but are Mero and Kaneda with us?"

Yeah I'm here too, pushing Mero's wheelchair. Kim tries to explain, but Miia throws a tantrum about it.

"Hey, the note was directed at me too, drama queen!" I snap. "Or do you consider me so low a priority?"

Mero assures Miia that it's me she wants and she'll do anything to make sure Miia and Kim get together. Sheesh, Mero. I love ya but you can be a real fruitcake.

Kim reminds the girls why we're doing this when we both notice Tionshia across the street, towering over everybody else. Thanks, Smith, for giving us the giant and totally conspicuous woman for a bodyguard.

We all go to the aquarium where they roll out the red carpet for Mero and the staff thanks her for all she does. Whoa, I knew a mermaid like Mero would make a splash at the aquarium but this…? Kim and Miia are confused too. One of the staffers takes Mero and wheels her in.

"Hey, hey, I'm the lady's escort!" I say, going in after them.

Mero gives us free passes to all over the aquarium and has me take her to the freshwater exhibit, leaving Kimihito and Miia to their devices.

Mero and I spend the next hour or so looking at the fish while Mero spouts fish facts. Normally, I'd find this sort of thing incredibly boring but Mero's more than worth it. We catch up to Kim and Miia by the kissing fish and Mero spouts some info, ruining what looks like a serious moment going on between the two of them. Needless to say, Miia is incredibly pissed.

Kimihito takes us to the dolphin show, hoping to calm Miia down. Mero joins center stage to be part of the act and I stand by her, as is my duty as her escort. She even addresses Miia, saying she'll help create the mood. The show gets underway, Mero jumping with the dolphins, waving at the audience, and dancing on the water. She's really amazing.

After the show, Kim comes to tell us that Miia's disappeared, but we get briefly distracted by how Tionshia's tried to take one of the dolphins with her. Smith informs us that Tionshia saw Miia leaving with a guy, who possibly could be the one who sent the letter because he's interested in the girls.

We follow the trail to the boat lake where the guy has Miia pinned down in a rowboat out in the middle of the lake. Kim hops in one of those swan pedal boats and cranks that thing towards them at speedboat speeds. Damn, Kim.

The dragon guy tries to row away but Mero snatches the oars. Kimihito then rams his boat into theirs. Geez, bro, overkill much?

Kim and Miia get to the shore and Kim gives her his coat. I run over to see that they're okay. Miia's not my favorite person, but that doesn't mean I want to see her hurt. The dragon guy then emerges from the water and tells him to get away from Miia, who beans him with a thrown coffee can. Kim helps him up and tries to get his wet clothes off and…wait a minute…that guy's a girl? Kim and Miia are just as shocked.

He…sorry, she then reveals she doesn't know anything about the letter and flies off after yelling at us some more. Miia finds the necklace Kim got for her at the aquarium and she hugs him. Smooth move, bro, I must admit.

Later, Smith handles the dragon lady while the four of us head home.


	9. Chapter 9

Today Kim and I are out in the woods, roasting shish kebabs on the grill. We're all the way out here, with Papi and Suu, because Papi wanted to come here. Only she can't remember why. Of course.

Our MON bodyguard is Zombina, who's devouring meat like nobody's business. The girl's quite the carnivore, though that makes sense, given what she is. Kimihito protests, as she's supposed to be in hiding to draw out 'D', but Zombina ignores him, even bringing up how toxic waste was illegally dumped here. Great, now we might get cancer just for being here.

But seriously, Zombina's one crazy chick. And not bad crazy like Smith is.

Suddenly, the ground begins trembling. The cause? A gargantuan tree monster that tries to smash us. Kimihito grabs Papi and I grab Suu and we run like hell. The thing starts calling Papi's name and snatches her from Kim with vine tentacles, which then snatch us up.

"Run, Suuzie!" I yell to Suu. "Tell Smith…no, tell literally anyone but Smith about this!"

The tree monster brings it foot down near Suu, knocking her into a cliff and she falls into crates of waste. It then brings the three of us close to its face, which opens up to reveal a busty, half-naked chick with leaves for hair. Because why not? She says she's a dryad and she's going to kill us because we're humans and humans are the enemy. The tentacles try to crush us, but Papi begs her to stop.

Papi explains that she met the dryad, Kii, after Smith arrested a non-human species kidnapper. She planted Kii in the forest and promised to return. However, she has no idea why Kii's gigantic, as she remembers nothing after she left Kii.

"You're awful, aren't you?" Kim groans.

"That's what I've said!" I tell him.

Papi tries to get Kii to let us go, but she says she'll still kill us for being humans and squeezes tighter. Papi breaks free and flies at her, but Kii smacks her away. She tells Kim it might be her fault why Kii's like this and goes for another attack, only to be smacked away by the hand of Kii's construct. Papi goes flying…right into a giant pair of blue boobs. Holy crap…it's Suu with a tail and Godzilla spines!

Suu fires an energy beam from her mouth and Kii, making her let go of us. Suu catches us and puts us on her boob. She says Kii might be gigantic due to absorbing the dumped nutrients and extracting them may calm her down. Apparently being bigger made Suu smarter.

Kii and Suu launch into brief fisticuffs, until the two grapple. This causes Papi to fly off and land right in Kii's chest. She then starts sucking on them to extract the nutrients. I am dead serious. Kii uses her tentacles to pull Papi off. Papi begs us to do it and Suu moves us in.

Kim and I have no real choice, so we get to it. Then Kii starts sucking the nutrients out of Suu's breasts.

Normally, I'd be okay with this, but I'd never want to do this with my brother's accompaniment. Eventually, Kii and Suu both collapse.

Later, Smith comes and we tell her what happened. Kim and I both tell her that it was the illegally dumped nutrients that caused Kii to rampage, so it really wasn't her fault. Smith tells us Kii isn't 'D' as Kii can't write. She then says Kii can stay in the forest and she agrees as long as Suu and Papi come visit her. She then says we don't have to come, forcing us to explain to Smith how we stopped Kii.

The next day, Kimihito and I are walking with Centorea, who's in full armor and threatening anyone who talks to us. She takes Kim's ringing cell phone and talks to Manako, the MON agent watching us. From what I can piece, Manako's saying that with the armor, it's really not helping the whole 'date' cover-up. Centorea doesn't take it real well.

I get her to take off her helmet. She then swears to protect us from any harm. Geez, Centorea's really fired up today. She's always serious, but this is just intense, even for her.

We go to the store, but the automatic doors close on Cerea's horse half. Kim decides the best thing to do is leave but when Cerea backs out, she knocks over several gumball machines. We go to her, but she whips around and knocks us into several other gumball machines.

We finally get to the park and lay out the picnic. Cerea unpacks the sandwiches she brought and they look real good. Kim and I both have one…and find they're completely flavorless. We try not to let Centorea know when Rachnera appears in the tree we're under and tells her the sandwiches are flavorless, only we're too nice to say it.

Centorea gets up and leaves, obviously depressed. I go to look for her. After a bit, I find her just standing there. She grabs me and throws me to the ground. She rips her shirt open, freeing her glorious jugs and starts rubbing my hands on them. I'd normally be all over this, but we're in public, for cripes' sake!

She lifts my shirt and starts rubbing her breasts on my chest. Oh, God, this is going to be trouble in so many ways! I reach out to push her off, only to grab onto her breasts once again. Oh man, I've felt up Cerea numerous times in our private moments and my hands are always itching to grab them. Just feeling them now is robbing me of my common sense.

Suddenly, someone screams and Cerea snaps out of the trance she appeared to be under. A boar runs by, chasing what looks like a little girl with wings and horns. I throw my jacket and it lands on the boar's eyes, causing it to crash into a tree. I then look for the girl, but she's vanished. The boar then gets back up and starts chasing me. Centorea appears and beats the high-holy hell out of it with a large stick.

"You're amazing, Cerea. Thanks. You saved me." I say.

"There's nothing amazing about it." She says, looking depressed.

"You don't need to be so modest…" I say, but she turns away.

"I…I can't do anything else for you. I want to be more useful to you, but I cause you nothing but trouble. I am not worthy to stand by your side. I want to become someone you can depend on…someone you need." She tells me, crying.

I climb up on her back and tell her I twisted my ankle, so I need a ride home. She tells me it's the only way she can help me and I hug her from behind.

"I depend on you all the time." I tell her.

With that, we leave.

That night, Centorea cooks dinner, all salad, much to the dismay of Miia and Papi. Cerea tells me she tried to take on too much responsibility and couldn't accept that there were things she couldn't do, so from now on, she'll do whatever she can, to the utmost of her abilities. She also says she'd like to ask help when she needs it. I tell her of course she can.

Attagirl, Cerea.


	10. Chapter 10

We still haven't found who D is, so now we're going out with MON since we ran through all the girls at home. Right, Tionishia is dragging me like a rag doll while running from store to store. As Tio, which she wants to be called, goes through the music store, I flashback to how this happened.

Zombina had called in Kimihito and me because another letter had appeared. This one read "I will grant you death. Until death separates us forever, together we'll share a fleeting dream. At the end of your short lives, I will grant you death. I shall send you into eternal Hell and everlasting darkness. This life is like a mirage disappearing in the wind. I am the servant of darkness. From D." Geez, who wrote this, a goth with a thing for Shakespeare?

Kim asks why we're going on a date with all of them and Zombina says it's because their day off changed. She's also sick and tired of watching us go on dates and flirt with our girls. In other words, she's sick of this job. Can't say I blame her. I'd go nuts if I was in her position too.

Kim asks where Doppel is and Manako said she didn't feel like taking part. That's good cause that chick gives me the willies. And why is she always naked?

Anyway, Tio and I are in a dress shop with her trying on clothes. She looks good in her dress but, man, her knockers could Centorea's a run for their money! Of course, she thinks I'm talking about her height.

When she goes to change, it gets stuck and wants me to help. Oh, and she's calling me 'Boyfriend.' SO I end up holding the dress with her butt in my face and she gets it lowered, it also takes off her underwear.

Now I'm sitting outside the dressing room while she's sobbing. I'd better do something; the last thing I want to do is tick off a woman who could easily bench press me. I apologize but Tio says it's because she really liked the skirt and they don't have it in a larger size. I tell her the size can be adjusted, which is apparently news to her.

Yeah, I can sew. Whenever Kim buys clothes for Miia, he forces me to modify them. Tio's so happy, she hugs me and puts me in marshmallow hell. She then runs back into the dressing room when she realizes she's still in her underwear. I take back all the curses I put on Mom for making me learn to sew.

Zombina calls and asks if I've seen anyone suspicious. I say no and Zombina says it's because I was with Tio. I then go to a zombie flick with Zombina and it's the closest I've ever had to a normal date, now that I think of it.

As we leave the theater and Zombina gushes about the movie, she notices she's lost her hand. We stop at a manga café and I sew it back on. She's surprised I'm not repulsed.

"Well, a real corpse might be too much for me, but you're you, Zombina." I tell her. "So I'm okay."

Okay, I'll admit it's a bit creepy and weird but Zombina is pretty close to human, so…wait, is she blushing?

As I put away the sewing kit, something falls out of her shirt. I pick it up…Oh God, is this her breast? As I sew it back on, I reach a conclusion: breasts are only sexy when they're attached to a woman!

After that, we tail Kim who's out with Manako. She's cute and all, but the one eye is a bit jarring. Plus, I can tell she's sensitive about that. Kim, of course, has no problem with it.

Suddenly, Manako spots a cloaked figure by a vending machine. The person darts when Manako challenges them and Zombina jumps out of the bushes, guns ablazing. As the person continues to run, Tio picks up the vending machine and throws it in front of the person. Finally, Manako turns her suitcase into a gun and shoots the person in the back with tranq darts.

Women: nothing like them.

Zombina unmasks the culprit who turns out to be…Doppel. Apparently, Smith and Doppel came up with the letter scheme in the hopes that the danger would drive Kim and me into finally choosing which girl we'd hook up with.

Have I mentioned I really hate Smith?

Kim and I are waiting at the crosswalk on the way home when we see a weird girl with blue skin and white hair. A bus passes by and she disappears. Suddenly, we have a scythe against our throats. Kim moves it away and we see a headless body groping around on the ground furiously. Then it clings to our shirts, as if begging for help.

When we get home, the girls are pretty shocked to see us with the headless body. Miia tries to pull Kimihito away, only to pull us all down and end up looking down the body's neck, which really freaks her out. We get Miia and the body to the living room and Centorea asks what's up with the body. Kim explains what happened and says we're going to look for her head.

Centorea, Mero, and Papi offer to help. Miia comes too, not wanting to be left with the body while Rachnera offers to stay behind with the body and Suu. Soon, we're all scouring the park for the head with no luck. We hear Miia scream, but all she found was a mannequin head. Miia begs to leave but Cerea and Kim say we should find it before anyone else does.

Miia screams again and this time, she found it: a girl's head with blue skin and long white hair. Centorea takes the fainted Miia, leaving us to take the head. Okay, this is creepy. Is the head still alive? The body was moving, so it must be…

Kim and I approach it and ask if it's okay. It doesn't answer, so Kim reaches to take it. Then it starts talking!

The head says it's a dullahan and thanks us for caring for its body. This is weird; the head isn't giving the same impression as the body. The head says it's being chased by the Organization and wants us to reunite it with its body.

This is so weird, all we can say is a flat "What?"

The head is shocked that we don't seem to get it and says mortals must serve death. When we still don't get it, she finally flat out asks us to take her to her body.

"Well, geez, that's all you had to say." I say, picking her up. "Could've done without all the purple prose."

Kim asks her about the letter and the head begins to tell us when she starts crying out, saying someone is violating her body. Oh damn it, Rachnera must being doing something to it! That's why she wanted to stay behind!

Kim and I spot a cop coming over. We hide behind a tree, me covering the head's mouth. Great, if he notices us, I have no idea how we'll answer for a disembodied head. Speaking of which, she keeps shrieking and gasping and even starts licking my fingers. And then suddenly, she stops. She said the violation simply stopped. Oh, thank you, Suuzie!

Wait a minute…oh no!

Now the head's screaming again and there's no one to stop Suu! The cop finally notices us and pulls his gun. He starts babbling questions when Papi suddenly falls out of the sky and lands on him, knocking him out. The girls get back to us and Miia faints again when the head speaks.

Once we get home, the dullahan puts her head back on her body. She clings to Kim and me when Rachnera offers to tie her head back on so it doesn't fall off again. Mero brings us tea and the dullahan drinks some by removing her head and pouring it down her throat. Papi offers her food and the dullahan's body races over and dumps the chips down its throat.

Centorea explains what dullahans are and Rachnera says she thought they were imaginary. Like she's in any position to talk…

Kim asks her if someone here is going to die. She says yes and states that it's Kim and me who are going to die.


	11. Chapter 11

So as you know, Lala had told Kim and me that we were both on the verge of death. Kim says it can't be possible but Lala insists, pointing out all the times our lives have been in danger. I try to protest but Lala summons her scythe, saying she'll harvest our souls. But then Rachnera traps her in webbing. Man, never thought I'd be glad to have the spider lady around.

Lala tries to be threatening, but Rachnera gags her before telling the others to protect us. Centorea has Papi fly off with Kim while she grabs me, throws me on her back and rides off with Mero, Suu and Miia right behind. We follow Papi and Kim until the two of them crash through a sign (shouldn't be surprised that Papi would suck at night flying). Suu catches Kim before he hits the ground and nearly drowns him with her boobs. I'd be pissed but now's really not the time.

The girls are beginning to think we really are on the verge of death. Kim tries to calm them but Centorea launches into a speech about fleeing from the death god and a knight withstanding shame for tomorrow. Mero says it like we're eloping, which rattles Cerea before she gallops off. When we turn a corner, we nearly run smack into a truck but Cerea simply jumps over it. The truck crashes into a wall and explodes. Kim and I are both thinking the same thing: dear lord, what's going to be done about that?

Centorea gets lost in thought as we go, so lost it takes her a while to notice that we've slipped off her back and are being dragged along the street behind her. She slides to a stop, causing the two of us to faceplant and roll along the sidewalk. You know, death isn't seeming too bad right now…

"A-A-Are you all right?" Cerea asks.

"Yeah, just fine, Cerea…" I moan. "Just give me a moment and ol' Kaneda will be back on ya…"

Lala suddenly pops up behind Cerea and she tells Kim and me to run. Kim tries to speak when Mero suddenly grabs us and pulls us off the bridge and into the river. The two of us struggle and break free from Mero and cling to the shore.

"Master, I have a request." Mero says.

"Now really isn't a good time, Mero…" I gasp.

"If there's no way you're going to escape your death…" She continues.

"Can we lay off the death for just a second?"

"Will you leave behind a bond with me?"

A bond? What…? Wait, what? Kids? Here? Now? Oh God, Mero, I really like you but I could really do without your tragedy fetish!

"Mero, wait, she said I'm on the verge of death, not…"

That's all I get out before Mero drags me under. I barely hear Kim cry out before we're both on the riverbed. Oh great, I'm going to drown before I actually get laid. Suddenly, Miia's tail snatches Mero, allowing me to get out.

"Kaneda, are you all right?" Kim asks.

As Kim makes sure I'm not dead, Rachnera suddenly webs up Miia. She jumps down from under the bridge at Lala's side. Rachnera tells Miia that Kim and I are fated to die, there's nothing any of else can do and the best thing to do is just get it over with. Miia then begs Lala to kill her too so she can be with Kim. Wow. I knew Miia was hot for my brother but not to this depth.

Kim helps me up and comments on how gullible we all are. Wait, did Lala just flinch?

Kim then starts spouting death flags and leads me up toward the street. A truck comes roaring at us just as we step in its path. The toy bumps into Kim's ankle. Uh, what's going on here?

Back at the house, Smith tells us Lala isn't a death god. When asked why she sent the letter, Lala spews more purple prose until Smith gets all intimidating and Lala admits that she thought it was odd that we were always on the verge of death but wouldn't die, so she intended to reap us. Smith is pretty pissed about this and says how Lala always runs from her host families. Lala says it was because no one was dying and Smith gets all scary again, saying no way would they have let her stay with a family with a dying member. Yeesh, when did Smith get so frightening?

Lala hides behind Kim and me, saying the Organization's agent thinks she's dangerous. Wait, the Organization was Smith and her crew?

Lala says she'll stay with us and Smith is immediately okay with it because this is Smith we're talking about. Miia, Centorea and Rachnera are okay too, since she's not interested in Kim, she's not a death god and she may agree to being tied up.

I will admit though, she is pretty good looking, even if her head comes off and she's got serious delusions of grandeur.

The next morning, Kim's been poring over our bills and it turns out we're screwed for food. Turns out Lala was the straw that broke the camel's back. Oh, and we don't have food in the fridge left because Miia used it in her stupid, god-awful cooking.

Miia, Rachnera and Lala stay behind while Kim, the others and I go to the supermarket, which is supposed to be having a sale…only to find it's being closed for renovation. Of course they'd pick now to do that.

We hit up a shopping district where a guy closes up his fish shop since Mero's here. People do the same for chicken and horse meat until Kim tells them the girls eat all that stuff. Wow, who knew people were so respectful of others?

Mero praises the fish guy so much, he actually falls on his knees and gives her the biggest fish he's got while Papi and Suu start playing with kids. Kim and I then see Centorea going nuts over a produce stand's carrots and the lady gives Kim a bunch of free veggies when he says we're broke.

More people come up giving us tofu, eggs, and bread crusts. Again, holy crud, who knew people could so thoughtful?

Kim wants to know how we can transport all of our food. Mero suggests Centorea but she refuses. I ask her and she gladly accepts. Mero notices. As Centorea, Papi and Mero head home with the food, Kim and I hang back with Suu.

Suu asks why and Kim says he wants to get more food, since the girls eat so much. Suu says she doesn't need food since she absorbs nutrient from anything she eats. I pat her head and tell her that everyone's getting enough since we're all family. Yes, I really said that.

Suu wraps her head tentacle around my arm and pulls me along with Kim following. We eventually end up back in the forest where Suu explains the situation to Kii, who has filled out quite nicely, I must say. Kii refuses to let us harm the forest but then Suu wraps her up in her tentacles and starts sucking from her breasts. Kim and I quickly pull her off. Suu thought that's what she'd have to do to get Kii to comply but Kii says Papi taught her to grant the requests of friends.

Kii leads us through the forest to a clearing. Kim points out the poisonous mushrooms and Kii says she doesn't know which are lethal to animals. Well, that's just great. But then Suu starts eating the plants and can tell which are poisonous or not. What can't this gal do?

At sunset, we finish gathering and we leave Kii. As we head home, Kim and I both can't help but notice all the poison in Suu. Suddenly, Draco, the psycho dragonewt lesbian who looks like a guy, appears out of nowhere and attacks Kim. Suu spits poison at her, rendering her immobile.

When we finally get back home, Kim fixes dinner. As we eat, Smith and MON suddenly show up and start eating too. Aw, cripes, judging by Kim's reaction, they're gonna eat what we've got left.

After dinner, Smith catches Kim despairing and Suu tells her how we're all out. Smith then tells Kim he can put down food costs as an expense. Thanks for telling us, Smith!

You know, as much as I complain about all the craziness the girls bring on, I wouldn't give them up for anything. Cause ya gotta admit, having a bunch of good looking monster girls definitely has it's perks!

For example, right now I'm kneeling on the couch, making out with Lala. I must say, she is surprisingly warm for someone who's supposed to be dead, not to mention how fine and smooth her hair is.

"Master," She pants. "Your skills would put the fires of the underworld to shame. All the lovers in hades wish they could be your equal."

"Ah, come on, I'm not that good, Lala." I say. "And could you stop it with the fancy talk?"

We get back to it but I must have put a little too much into it as Lala's lips break away due to her head falling backwards off her neck and onto the floor.

"Whoops. Sorry about that."

"It's…no problem. Just put me back on, please?"

I reach down and grab her. Really not sure if I'll ever get used to this.

"Not by the hair! Not by the hair!" She yells.

"Sorry! Sorry!"

I scoop up her head and put it back on her body. We both sit there awkwardly.

"If you don't mind, Master, I should like to end things here." Lala says.

"Yeah, okay."

I have to agree with her; the whole head falling off really killed the mood.

I move on to Mero's room and we start kissing like nobody's business. I should probably be pissed or something along those lines for her trying to drown me while getting knocked up but I'm kind of a sucker. Besides, who could stay mad for long at a gorgeous girl like Mero? Gorgeous girl in bikini with pink hair and slimy skin…wow, I think Suu's really left an impression on me.

After a bit of spit swapping and tail stroking, we hear footsteps coming towards the door and…Smith's voice? What? I thought she left!

Mero and I practically leap off each other before the door opens and Smith pokes her head in.

"Just making sure you two weren't doing anything inappropriate." She says with a smirk that really infuriates me

"We weren't kissing! We were just talking!" Mero blurts. Real smooth there, girl.

"I'm sure you were." Smith says. "Anyway, I was on my way out and I wanted to say goodbye."

"Okay, goodbye, then! Will you leave now?" I say?

"Why, Kaneda, if I didn't know better, I'd think you didn't like having me around!" She says mockingly.

"GO HOME!" I yell, shoving her out and shutting the door.

Of course, that little interruption really killed the mood with Mero, so I bid her good night and move on to Centorea. Let me tell you, handling those fantastic breasts of hers can make any day a good one. Kissing, nibbling, sucking…and girls wonder why guys are obsessed with them.

Centorea's gasping and squealing all the while before she grabs me, lifts me up and kisses me. Boy, God bless whoever discovered kissing. As we go at it, I notice the Cerea's worked up a sweat and a familiar blue tentacle appears over her shoulder.

Before I can say anything, Suu envelops us both, absorbing Cerea's sweat while cuddling me. It's a bit awkward but I get used to it, although Centorea is loudly protesting and trying to break free.

Yeah, things have gotten real crazy ever since the girls came into our lives, but when I think of it, I don't believe I could picture life without them.

Hey guys, I'm finally saying something and that something is thank you all for your support and following this story! If you guys have any questions/criticisms/suggestions/etc. please do not hesitate to say anything!


	12. Chapter 12

It's the next day after 10 when Rachnera comes down from her room. It's just me and the girls since Kimihito left to fill out the paperwork for our past food expenses, the poor dope. As Centorea informs Rachnera of this, Lala pops up behind them and tells them they have mail, scaring them half to death. Rachnera looks over her letter but then tosses it in a garbage can and heads to her room.

Suu pops up out of the same can and gives me the letter to read. Turns out it's a host family transfer notice from the people who hosted Rachnera previously. The girls are all shocked. Miia looks evil, probably thinking how it'll be easier to snag Kim with Rachnera gone and Mero asks Centorea if she's against it but Cerea denies it.

Personally, I wouldn't lose too much sleep over it. She still creeps me out and I could really do without her BDSM webbing, thank you very much. Anyway, the letter says they need to talk it over with Rachnera first and that'll happen…today?

The doorbell rings. I answer it and there's a girl standing there.

"Uh, can I help you?"

"Nice to meet you! I am Kunanzuki Ren! I used to be part of Rachnera-san's host family!"

She says her family wanted her to come on their behalf since she was the reason Rachnera left. Something smells fishy here…

Ren comes in and gives a bag of sweets to Papi, who forgets Ren's name several times over the course of a few seconds. It's actually kind of hilarious.

But then Ren asks if this is a test to see if she can put up with Papi's problems. Okay…

Miia tries to protest but Cerea stops her, reminding her and me about how Rachnera's family sold her and that we should test her to see if she's worthy of taking in Rachnera. Miia and I both agree and Cerea says we should let Ren experience our everyday lifestyle.

We start with eating, although giving Miia's 'cooking' that's probably a bad idea. Sure enough, Ren gets put down just by the smell alone. She tries to eat it three more times, but the smell knocks her out each time. Good thing though, we don't have a stomach pump handy.

Ren suddenly spills the stuff on her clothes and Suu attacks her, resulting in a hentai scenario. Oh, great…

I really want to stop this before she files charges but Cerea insists we let it happen. Ren tears her clothes off, thinking this is some kind of extraspecies communication. Her clothes hit Miia and Suu attacks her.

I put Ren's clothes to be washed and Mero gives her an outfit to wear. Ren then bursts out about this being a test to endure fashion tastes and hobbies of extraspecies, much to Mero's shock. Have to admit, that goth loli outfit Mero gave her is pretty revealing…

Also, I am seriously beginning to think this chick is off her rocker.

Centorea takes Ren to her room and asks why she abandoned Rachnera. Ren explains she got too close, Rachnera accidentally scratched her and her family sold her. Cerea says she doesn't think Ren's fit to be with her. She keeps pressing this but Ren insists that she won't lose. She even comments on how Centorea's room smells like a barn, much to Cerea's shock. Yeah, I'll admit it does, but that's one of many things you never tell a girl.

Ren heads up the ladder to Rachnera's room in the attic where Rachnera's all done packing. Wow, the girl's look pretty sad about it. Suddenly, Kim comes home. Wow, forgot all about him.

Ren explains the situation while Kim gives us all the drinks he bought at the coffee shop. Kim refuses to sign Rachnera over, calling Ren out for treating her like she's a problem to overcome. Once again, Saint Kimihito saves the day.

Ren runs out, saying she'll overcome this challenge. Cripes, why is it that we attract all the crazy ones?

Rachnera starts drunkenly rambling to Kim about what he did and how she hated Ren's family. Apparently spiders get drunk on caffeine. After some more rambling, Rachnera falls asleep while cuddling Kim and Mero says that she thinks Rachnera was happy to stay. She then reminds Miia, Centorea and Papi about the letters they got.

Their mothers are coming. Huh boy…


End file.
